130. Pope John XII 955-963

Pope John XII

Pope John XII was a scoundrel,to put it best,and at worst he was said to have “soiled the Chair of Peter for 9 years”. When the ruler of all of Rome,Alberic II,was on his deathbed,he forced all of the clergy to promise to elect his son Prince Octavianus to the Papacy(once the current Pope passed away). Octavianus was all of 18 when he became the Holy Father and if you were to wonder how a spoiled rich child of the most powerful man in Rome would act as Pope,you would not be disappointed.
Whoring,gambling,hunting,drinking,fighting(check,check check..) During his reign,Pope John would be accused of rape,of incest,of blinding his confessor and castrating a Cardinal,basically a demon from Hell. Oddly enough,when he did care about actual Catholic business,he was strangely very serious and dedicated to the growth of the Church in Spain,England and Germany. He appointed many great men to be Bishops in these countries(I guess so they could do the hard work while he played)
Pope John’s downfall came when he personally led armies into northern Italy to reclaim Papal lands stolen by the King of Italy. When his men stumbled he requested aid from King Otto of Germany. King Otto smashed the Italian forces and helped to assure Papal control of the region. All he requested in return of his services was for Pope John to crown him Holy Emperor,which John did. Once this took place Pope John immediately started to plot King Otto’s demise(swell guy!) The offended King Otto promptly marched back into Rome and ran John out of the country. Otto elected a new Pope(Leo VIII)to replace John but the disposed Pope soon gathered reinforcements and set his eyes on reclaiming the Vatican. All out war was brewing between John and Otto when our devious Pope met his end in a most demeaning way. He was having…..let’s say “relations” when he was brutally beaten to death by a jealous husband. Credit due to the Catholic Church in that they never shy away from the darker parts of their history. If we were to somehow ask Pope Francis what his thoughts are on Pope John XIII,he’d for sure acknowledge that yes,that guy was a pain in the ass.
“The Catholic Church is an institution I am bound to hold divine — but for unbelievers a proof of its divinity might be found in the fact that no merely human institution conducted with such knavish imbecility would have lasted a fortnight.” – Hilaire Belloc

113. Pope Stephen VI 896-897

Pope Stephen VI

Pope Stephen VI is always included in the lists of worst Popes ever,for the simple reason that digging up the corpse of a Pope and desecrating his body will nearly always get you included on any “worst of anything” list. All of this mess started when Holy Roman Emperor Guy of Spoleto demanded that Pope Formosus crown Guy’s son Lambert co-emperor and King of Italy. Formosus reluctantly obeyed him but quickly went to work secretly raising up an army to overthrow the new King. Pope Formosus passed away before King Lambert could be overthrown but Lambert would never forget how close the Pope came to running him out of Italy,or maybe even killing him. Stephen VI was a bitter enemy of Pope Formosus,and a loyal supporter of King Lambert,which is why this relatively unknown Bishop was elected to the Papacy in 896. Oh,and he may have been legitimately insane. The King now had his partner in revenge to enact his horrible retribution to the dead Formosus. Pope Stephen VI ordered that the dead Pope be dug up,dressed in Papal vestments and placed on the stand for his “trial”. For the next few hours,under the watchful devious glare of the King,Pope Stephen VI ranted,raved and screamed at Formosus’ dead body. A deacon cowered behind Formosus and answered(for Formosus)to Stephen’s charges of crimes against the Church. When the trial was over,Stephen ruled that all of Formosus’ actions as Pope were void,he had the blessing hand of Formosus dismembered and then his body was thrown into the Tiber river(a monk secretly recovered the body and hid it away). All of these hysterics were just too much for the Romans and Stephen himself was removed from office and imprisoned,where he was he was later found strangled. King Lambert was assassinated soon afterwards. The next Pope,Romanus,overrulled the findings of this sham trial and the Pope after him,Theodore II,had the body of Pope Formosus reburied with full honors in St Peter’s Basilica.